Right wing ramblings from Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

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Saturday, December 8, 2007

Santa-scared

Some scary pictures of the jolly old soul.


Posted by Tim G. at 10:46 AM
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Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Two women

2 women arrive at the Pearly Gates and a conversation ensues....

1st woman : Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman : Hi! I’m Kelly. How’d you die?
1st woman : I Froze to Death.
2nd woman : How Horrible!
1st woman : It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman : I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman : I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started! running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman : Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer---we’d both still be alive. 


Posted by Tim G. at 07:40 AM
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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Dr. Dr.


Posted by Tim G. at 12:07 PM
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Saturday, June 9, 2007

Fat news

This is so close to the truth.

A report published Monday in The New England Journal of Medicine warns that the nation’s obesity epidemic has reached a new level of crisis, with many overweight Americans’ increased girth rendering them physically unable to end their own, fat lives.


Posted by Tim G. at 08:54 AM
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Saturday, April 14, 2007

Funny Bunny


Posted by Tim G. at 09:14 AM
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Sunday, April 8, 2007

Easter Church

For the millions who attend Church today - Happy Easter!

viaStardust


Posted by Tim G. at 08:06 AM
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Sunday, January 28, 2007

I just died

Art Buchwald died 10 days ago.  I never was a big fan of his columns. 

His auto-video eulogy was pretty interesting.


Posted by Tim G. at 11:24 AM
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Thursday, January 4, 2007

Darwin Awards

These are always good for a laugh.

Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it, thus ensuring that the next generation is one idiot smarter. Of necessity, the Awards are generally bestowed posthumously.


Posted by Tim G. at 07:12 PM
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Sunday, December 31, 2006

How To Remove A Bra

A far more important video.


Posted by Tim G. at 01:12 AM
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Sunday, August 27, 2006

YouTube - Mentos on Letterman

This is why the terrorists will win.

Is this what our brightest minds are working on?


Posted by Tim G. at 09:18 AM
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Saturday, June 24, 2006

Where the Hell is Matt?

This guy gets around - and can’t dance.

Amusing.


Posted by Tim G. at 09:47 AM
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Friday, March 24, 2006

Code words and kids

John & Marsha decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

“There’s a car being towed from the parking lot” he shouted.

A few moments passed. “An ambulance just drove by”

A few moments later, “Looks like the Anderson’s have company” he called out.

“Matt’s riding a new bike.....”

“The Coopers are having sex!!”

Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!

Dad cautiously asked, “How do you know they are having sex??”

“Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony with a Popsicle too.”


Posted by Tim G. at 03:15 PM
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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Don’t shoot the puppy

It’s not what you think.


Posted by Tim G. at 09:11 AM
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Sunday, March 19, 2006

Cam Wooley, where are you?

He’d have a fit if he saw these vehicles on the 401.

via JWalk


Posted by Tim G. at 08:11 AM
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Friday, March 10, 2006

New Seatbelt

Posted by Tim G. at 10:25 AM
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Sunday, February 26, 2006

AAADD

Do you have it?

Do you suffer from AAADD?

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:


Posted by Tim G. at 09:15 PM
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Monday, February 13, 2006

Married men joke

The wife comes home early & finds her husband in their master
bedroom making love to a beautiful, sexy young lady!
“You unfaithful, disrespectful pig!  What are you doing? How dare
you do this to me the faithful wife, the mother of your children!  I’m
leaving this house, I want a divorce!” The husband, replies “Wait, Wait
a minute!
Before you leave, at least listen to what happened”
“Hummmmm, I don’t know, well it’ll be the last thing I will hear
from you.  But make it fast, you unfaithful pig you”
The husband begins to tell his story .  .  .  “While driving home
this young lady asks for a ride.  I saw her so defenseless that I went
ahead and allowed her in my car. I noticed that she was very thin, not
well dressed! and very dirty. She mentioned that she had not eaten for 3 days.
With great compassion and hurt, I brought her home and warmed up the
enchiladas that I made for you last night that you wouldn’t eat because
you’re afraid you’ll gain weight; the poor thing, practically devours
them.  Since she was very dirty I asked her to take a shower.
While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full
of holes so I threw her clothes away.  Since she needed clothes, I gave
her the pair of jeans that you have had for a few years, that you can
no longer wear because they are too tight on you, I also gave her the
blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don’t wear because I
don’t have good taste.
I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that
you will not wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the
boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore
again after you saw your co -worker wearing the same pair.”
The husband continues his story .  .  .  .  . “The young woman was
very grateful to me and I walked her to the door.  When we got to the
door she turned around and with tears coming out of her eyes, she asks
me:
“Sir, do you have anything else that your wife does not use”


Posted by Tim G. at 10:19 AM
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Monday, January 23, 2006

Stupid names

I have to agree with good ol’ Peaches’ point.

Peaches Geldof is appealing to celebrities to stop giving their children ridiculous names


Posted by Tim G. at 11:15 AM
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Tuesday, January 3, 2006

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner is taking their
sweet time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when
they aren’t looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3 Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4 Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, ‘Code 3’
in housewares..... and see what happens.

5 Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

6 Move a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7 Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll
invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8 When a clerk ask s if they can help you, begin to cry and ask ‘Why
can’t you people just leave me alone?’

9 Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your
nose.

10 While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he
knows where the anti-depressants are.

11 Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the “Mission
Impossible” theme.

12 In the auto department, practice your “Madonna look” using different
size funnels.

13 Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say “PICK ME!
PICK ME!”

14 When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal
position and scream “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”

(And last but not least!)

15 Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then,
yell, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”


Posted by Tim G. at 10:43 AM
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Sunday, January 1, 2006

What’s so funny?

Need a translator for this video, but even if it’s just a gag, it’s real funny.

This guy tries to do an interview but keeps laughing. Warning, after watching this a couple times you may start to laugh along.


Posted by Tim G. at 09:34 PM
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Saturday, August 13, 2005

Dose of the south

Jwalk has an entry that most Canadian-US bashers will eat up.

Jonson, at Metafilter, calls this the “greatest video in the history of the internet”.


Posted by Tim G. at 03:27 PM
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Friday, July 29, 2005

That dirty devil

So that’s what Santa’s doing in the off season.

Surrounded by young female Santa Claus assistants, a Swedish Santa takes a swim during the annual Santa Claus World Congress in Copenhagen


Posted by Tim G. at 11:07 AM
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Saturday, December 25, 2004

Newfie Rescue

MORE...


Posted by Tim G. at 02:10 PM
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Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Santa’s Coming

...and so are some funny cartoons.

via J-Walk


Posted by Tim G. at 03:47 PM
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Thursday, July 29, 2004

Funny truck

via J-Walk


Posted by Tim G. at 12:01 PM
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